Zach Rohlwing was born on October 20, 1987 somewhere in the Canadian Rockies. His family was a group of Canadian carnies who traveled throughout Canada entertaining small crowds of people with old jokes and pathetic animal tricks involving a dog and a spoon? Anyway when Zach was approaching the age of one he was invovled in a freak accident that changed this life forever. During one of the circus shows, Zach wandered inadvertedly into the circus cannon just as it went off. It has always been one of Zach's most troubling experiences, not knowing who or why the cannon was ignited. Zach hopes to one day solve this mystery. Anywhoo Zach was shot one hundred feet into the air, out of the circus tent, and into a bush next to a pack of vicious wolves. We dont know why the wolves took him in as their own or why the carnies never searched for him, but what we do know is that Zach spent the next twelve years living with wolves. This may explain why Zach has a significant odor problem and an insatiable appettite for forest rodents. This may also explain why Zach uses his nose to determine cleanliness and why he knows jack shit about computers. So twelve years went by and one day something remarkable happened. Zach was feeding on a rabbit when he was suddenly approached by some guy with a penis for a head wearing kakis shorts. This guy of course was Evan Davis. Zach later learned that Evan had been looking for a bass player to play in his rock and/or roll band. Evan had searched everywhere and eventually ended up in the Canadian Rockies. When asked "Why did you pick wolf boy" Evan replied "Well...anyone was better than Brent" So back to the story, Zach was approached by Evan and asked "Would you like to play bass guitar in my band?" Zach replied, with blood running down his chin and bare ass naked "Bah, bass bah!!" This could only mean one thing and Evan knew it...yes. And so it came to be that the next day Zach learned the entire english language, recieved a family, and developed all the social skills needed to function in the seventh grade. Looking back Zach sometimes wishes he could visit his true parents who he has deemed Fluffy and Spot. Though he truly ponders over his real origins, the Canadian circus. He wonders what his life would have been like if he hadnt been blown away by that fateful cannon. But he has come to accept his life and lives today, playing bass and howling at the moon.

Evan Davis was born May 10th, 1988 on "whacking day" for any fans of the simpsons, and 2 weeks after he was born, his parents realized that he hadn't shit sicne he was born. So it turns out that Evan couldn't shit and just threw up everything. Evan had an operation done and now he shits frequently. Evan grew up with an older brother that the parents loved and gave him everything, but Evan got a pair of drum sticks and started hitting some Kitchen stools. Ever since that moment Evan knew he was destined to play the drums and be famous, but how? He told his friends the dream and they got guitars and a bass. Now this band was Evan, Eric, Dan and Brent. Dan and Eric were good but Brent wasnt. So they made a group decision to kick him out. Once Brent was kicked out they needed another bass player, but never found one and the band died. In 7th grade Evan was kicked out of the industrial tech shop room for a week, but he wasn't alone. There was another kid that was kicked out and it happened to be a hobbit named Alex. Alex and Evan spent the week talking about music and realized they like the same thing and Alex picked up a guitar. With a new guitarist, Evan went searching for a bassist. Walking through the woods one day, he found this creature, but it just turned out to be a boy named Zach. Evan put a bass in his hands and they had a band.

Alexander Colin Rooney was born on July 3 1988. Before this date he spent much of his time as a teeny tiny sperm yearning for that chance to slither into an egg. When this day finally came Alex then spent 9 months preparing to be born into his very rich and prosperous family. Little did he know Alex would soon be born and have to spend 7 years in a mobile home establishment in Ames, Iowa. Later Alex moved to a slightly better house in a broken down part of Des Moines. There he learned all the life skills he knows today, and hasn't learned anything new since 5th grade. But then it was time for middle school and in the 7th grade Alex was enrolled in a little class called industrial technology. There he and a penis with khakis pants got kicked out of class and started a friendship. Alex later regrets that he talked to this penis but at the time he thought that it was all right. Well soon after Alex learned that the big penis had found a creature and had taught that creature to play bass guitar. The three started a band and now the rest is history................